so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
