My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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