I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
