Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
