I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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