i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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