he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
