My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
