Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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