Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
