where am i from again
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
