You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
