At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
