Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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