i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
