I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
