like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
