If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
