Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i've created a new STD.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
