Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
