I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
