im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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