This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
