Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
