you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
