there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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