your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
