this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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