why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
