He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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