Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
