Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
