He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
