They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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