youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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