I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
