I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
