When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
