doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
