Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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