Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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