i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
