I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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