and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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