Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
