They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
