U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
