How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
