She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
