after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
