I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
